Here's your big ENERGY PLAN speech, Barack. All laid out for you. Just put it in your own words.

Here's what you do on energy, Barack.

You give a speech in Texas. That's right, Texas. You give a speech in front on one of the thousands of windmills that litters the west-Texas landscape that makes Texas the world's number one producer of wind energy. You talk about Texas' monumental budgetary plan to allocate 5 BILLION+ dollars to further increase Texas' wind energy production. You talk about Texas' ability to adapt to a rapidly changing energy market. Show how it used to be the land of black-gold, Texas tea. And show where it has gone now. And to silence those that think that wind cannot produce enough energy to meet the demands of the US, you explain to the people of America that most of that 5 billion dollars Texas is investing into wind energy isn't actually to build more mills, it's to increase its infrastructural ability to deliver the overwhelming amount of power that wind is currently creating in Texas. Because you see, as it is now, Texas produces more wind energy that the power lines can currently handle. Texas has to regularly shut down wind mills as to not overload the lines. That's real power.

After you talk about what Texas is already doing to make our energy future, you can talk about how the best places to harness wind energy is exactly in the same places where most of Americans are losing their jobs...the Mid-west. In fact, comparably speaking the mid-west has much more potential for wind power generation than Texas does. Look at a state like Michigan. Suffering from the crippling effects of massive job loss in the Detroit area and a terrible housing market, you'd be surprised to know that the lakes that Michigan is surrounded by are some of the best places in the country to harness wind energy. And to those who think, "You can't build wind mill in the water," guess what....you can. Denmark does it. Holland does it. And guess who else does it....TEXAS!

You see, people all around us are making their energy futures in wind energy. And we haven't even discussed the MASSIVE potential for solar power. Every year, solar panel technology drastically increases its power harnessing abilities. And if you plot its increase, you'll see that it's growing at an exponential rate.

We have the ability here to create a vast amount of jobs for people in the midwest. We can supply people with skilled-labor jobs to replace the ones that left our country and replace them with ones that cannot.

And Barack, while your sitting in the hot west-Texas desert sun, you can move on to the portion of your energy plan that directly effects transportation. Because, obviously, transportation is a huge part of the energy equation. Do you know what else the deserts of West Texas and the rest of the Southwest are good for? Growing algae. "So what?" you say. How does algae produce energy? Well, as it turns out, certain algaes, produce lipids as a bi-product of their growth. What can you do with lipids? Make diesel fuel. In fact, Virgin Atlantic already flew a 747 on a mixture of the biofuel. And, Barack, the best part about it is that the people making the biggest strides in algae-fuel technology is....ARIZONA! That right, Arizona State Univeristy and the state of Arizona are making investments in this fuel future. How embarrassing for John McCain? In his own back yard, the guy doesn't even know that huge advances in biofuel technology are taking place and his own state government is getting behind it. And you know who else is? Chevron!

It seems like the only person out of the loop here is John McCain. He's asking for 45 new nuclear plants. And despite what he says about France's nuclear program and its safety and efficiency, the fact is that in this year alone there have been over 80 reports of negative or potentially harmful incidents related to France's nuclear energy facilities. And on top of that, there was an actual leak at one of France's plants just two months ago! Safety is obviously still an issue today, even for a nuclear program as advanced as France's.

Barack! John McCain ridicules you for not wanting to act fast enough to fix our energy problem. Even though he's totally ignoring the fact that nuclear power plants take AT LEAST five years to build. And he's ignoring the fact that his off-shore drilling idea would only work if a) we actually discovered oil off-shore (which we aren't even sure about) and if b) it took less than a couple years to get flowing. But by all estimates, we'd be several years away from seeing any oil production from off-shore drills even if we started drilling today...and again, that's only IF we find oil out there. Because we don't know. Talk about a gamble!

And as for his clean coal idea....Barack, this is the same dog and pony show Mr. Bush was touting eight years ago. And you know how many "clean coal" plants we've built since Bush Jr. proposed the "revolutionary ideas"...not ONE. And just like nuclear plants, they're extremely costly and are extremely burdensome to the environment. Because it doesn't matter how clean you can burn coal, if it involves chopping off mountain tops, it's pretty gosh-darn destructive, in my book.

So there you go, Barack. It's all laid out there for the taking. Use it. And make sure to give the speech in Texas in front of a windmill. I'm telling you, the irony will resonate greatly, even in some of the most dense of Americans.